Cancer Sucks.

End of story.

The kids and I just got back from RS.

Seems like EVERYTHING in the house and around town

all still feel like my mom.

It all felt like my last visit there with her.

Max was only a few months old and Grace was potty training (Ughh!)

Adam was in school 3 nights/week doing his MBA.

Postpartum depression setting in- need I say more.

And my mom was much more sick than I realized at the time.

I haven't been a huge fan of change in my life but I am getting better.

So it's strange going to a place that hasn't really changed at all in the last 19 months. I've gotten used to my mom being in heaven and not here with us.

I ran into 2 of my mom's best friends.

One does the flowers in the front yard, so she can come over and weed and talk to my mom as she works in the yard.

Another, my "second" mom, wears a gold band that was my mom's on her pinky finger everyday.

Wonderful women that are so much like my mom in a way.

They both saw me and I saw them and we all missed my mom.

There was a certain look in their faces, that I could tell (I'm sure it

was the same for them looking at me).

And then this LAME Baby Story came on.

A young woman had breast cancer, had a baby, and at the end her cancer has spread just like my mom's.

At the end of the show there was a "in loving memory".

Barf.

I never even watch Baby Story, why did that one have to be on?

Anyway, It still felt good to be home.

I still know my mom is not supposed to be here right now.

I really feel my dad did everything right for her.

I was just surprised for all of that to come up again.

I was surprised to have this town that knew my mom and feels her imprint and loss as I do.

It's a good place.

In other news, I have a lot of journaling to catch up on.

The GREAT thing is I still have my Aunt JoAnn.

She took us on an overnight school shopping trip, just like we used to go on with my mom.

Quinn and I got some time together too, which was great.

And a best friend of mine, Danni, and her husband were here last week and it was a lot of fun. They were so good to my kids all week and I learned how to do some new crafts

-yes you heard that right, crafts-

ate cupcakes and went to a concert.

There are lots of good people and things in this world.

Lots of good things that remind me of my mom.

I guess sometimes I'm just still mourning the sickness and suffering my mom had to go through.

Again. . .cancer sucks.