Prayers

Funny how prayers are answered.

I had this ridiculous longing to know that my mom is still the same person she was when she passed. Many who weren't around her during her battle with cancer, really missed out on the changes that took place. I sometimes wonder, despite myself, what life would be like now if she recovered (after all the changes and faith strengthening) and we were living day to day again. I quickly remember that that is foolish wondering because that is not the Plan, for her or for me. So now I'm back to catching that great glimpse and it gives me excitement to see her again.

Anyway. I went on a run outside for the first time in a while. Much better than the sweaty gym and constant distraction of 30 tv's (don't get me wrong, those tv's are the only thing that gets me through most mornings). As I took off, I got a quiet thought to turn my ipod off and look at the creations around me. I found beauty. Beauty amongst the concrete sidewalk and large office buildings. I found beauty created by God's hand weather it be physically or by knowledge.

Then it hit.

By bod was killing me! My IT band, which I have been babying, was burning and my lungs were heaving and it was taking all my energy to keep going. I looked down at my Garmin and I had only gone under a mile- still had another 2.5 to get home. Instead of stopping to walk I kept pushing knowing that there was a hill ahead and not sure if I could do it.

As I thought of my body and how it was taking all of me to continue forward, I started thinking about my mom. I started understanding for a moment how our bodies and spirits are so connected but still separate things. I got a glimpse of what it must have felt like to not have the control over how your body is hurting or responding, but still having COURAGE to go forward. Many times my mom would do or say something that I didn't think twice about, but looking back I can see she had experiences of this the whole time. It's hard to put into words. I never before realized what true terror and courage it took day in and day out to battle something like cancer. I'm not professing to understand what it's like to have cancer, but I think I may know a little more from watching my mom go through it. I was feeling hurt, pain, discouragement, and fear, but I was also feeling the drive to go on and the fight to finish. I know my mom did this, it was evident in all she did- especially at the end. It takes faith and that faith becomes a part of who you are through the experiences and difficulties faced in this life.

While thinking and pushing I made it home- and did it in the fastest time I've ever ran in! All of a sudden the journey was over. As soon as the discomfort went away, so did the 'window' or enlightenment in which I was feeling. Interesting. In a way, my prayer was answered.

Later when I checked my email my cousin sent me a link to a blog I had been following and her mom's. As I read through it I felt the true love and peace that comes from a loving mother. Again my prayer was answered in a very individual and personal way.

Today started as Blah- but ended with the sun shining bright.

God does answer prayers, no matter how big or small.

"Heavenly Father will always hear your prayers and will. . . .answer them. However, His answers will seldom come while you are on your knees praying. . .He will prompt you in quiet moments." Elder Richard G. Scott